The Symphony In a Nutshell
(Wolfie Mozart - Some Symphony in G Minor)

So the orchestra is composed of different groups of people with different instruments. The first group has small guitars that they hold to their neck and play with this stick that they swing back and forth. The 2nd group has medium size guitars that are stood up and played with a stick swung back and forth. The 3rd group has giant guitars that look like they were on steroids. They are stood up and played with sticks as well. The 4th group is a mixed group of different types of horns, flutes and whistles. Then there’s the special guy at the front who has this weird instrument that looks like a small pointy stick that he waves around. I kept trying to listen for that instrument but it blended in with the rest of the orchestra so well I couldn’t hear it. I knew it had to be making a sound though because the harder the guy swung the stick the louder the music got and the quicker he swung it, the faster the music got.

As the music started everyone got really quiet and it seemed as though you couldn’t make any noises or else you’d disturb the musicians. All I could think of was, “Please don’t sneeze or cough!” I managed to not cough or sneeze through the first symphony but was poked in the ribs when I started snoring. Honestly, I was just breathing loudly. After the first symphony there was great applause and the man with the small stick left the stage and then came back onto the stage because the applause hadn’t stopped yet. I think he felt a little embarrassed that he left before the applause ended.

In the 2nd part of the show, they had this fat lady come out onto the stage. They said something about her being on the Sopranos but I didn’t recognize her. As the music started up this time she started singing at the top of her lungs in this foreign language. I think it sounded a little like Yiddish but I could be wrong. The lady had this lovely outfit with this giant red scarf. It looked like a Christmas present bow and she was a big fat present. As she sang the rest of the orchestra played their instruments with enthusiasm that I could only describe as unbridled. As the song came to an end, the crowd once again applauded and the singer and the guy waving the stick bowed. They then left the stage, only to return again because we weren’t done applauding. By this point I thought it was a little rude. You’d think that at least the guy with the stick would know better.

Then there was a little intermission for everyone. I think the musicians were a little parched and needed a drink. All the highbrow people left the auditorium to mingle. Sonia and I stayed in our seats and mingled amongst ourselves.

The 3rd part of the show started up and they rolled out the grand piano. The piano was quite lovely and I’d imagine I could play a regal Mary Had a Little Lamb if I had it at my disposal. This lady then sat down at the piano and once again the fat lady with the big red scarf/bow came out to sing. All the little and big guitars started up and then the Soprano lady started singing. Every so often they’d stop and the lady on the piano started playing. She was very good. Actually she was excellent. I think her and Elton John would make a cute couple if Elton didn’t like boys. After this performance there was plenty of applause and bowing and people leaving the stage and coming back on the stage. I do want to point out however, that most of the applause was for the solo pianist. I felt sort of bad for the rest of the orchestra because they seemed to be left out. If I was in their shoes I’d definitely have pianist envy.

The final part of the show was much more of the same as the 3rd part with the pianist, the Soprano lady and the background orchestra. Now from what I gather, most of the music was composed by Mozart. In between the music, the stick man would stop waving and pointing his stick and talk about the history behind the music. One of the symphonies they played was composed by Wolfgang at the age of 17. Inconceivable I tell you. When I was 17, I was worried about what to wear to school and whether or not I had enough money for lunch. Had I known about Wolfgang at that time I might have changed my priorities a little. This is probably why babies that listen to Mozart grow up more focused. The guy is quite inspiring.

They finally wrapped up the show and everyone headed to the parking lot. While walking to the parking lot I couldn’t stop humming some of the music. I think that’s how you know you enjoyed the show. I definitely enjoyed it more than I thought I would and would highly recommend to anyone who hasn’t gone before. Outside of the obvious infusion of a little culture, you really learn to appreciate the extraordinary work of the composers and the musicians!